The Business of Boundaries

The Business of Boundaries

What is a boundary? Something that marks or fixes a limit.

Interpersonal boundaries define the territory and establish the limits of our relationships. In business, boundaries are extremely important because they spell out acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Example: A customer calls you at home at 11pm. 

Boundary question: Do you take the call or tell the customer to call tomorrow during business hours?

As a small business owner, you constantly face situations where your boundaries are tested. Boundaries are difficult to set because there's always a chance that the other person will respond by taking his/her business elsewhere.

Do you ever face business situations where you want to set a boundary with someone, but just can't? Maybe you want to raise your fees with a particular client but never get around to it. Or perhaps your employee does something that really bothers you, but you aren't able to confront the person. Whenever you want to set a limit with someone but feel unable to do so, you've probably hit a hole in your interpersonal boundary system.

A Boundary Hole is an internal belief or feeling which leaves you vulnerable to invasion from others. 

Some common boundary holes in business:

Belief: "I need you to survive." - You believe that the survival of your business depends on one particular client or account.

Key Symptom: You accept rude, offensive or inappropriate behavior from your client because you "can't afford to lose the business."

Remedy: Focus on expanding your options. If you commit to spending a few hours every week in pursuit of new business, you'll feel less dependent on any one client.

As a business owner, you can expect that certain people and situations will tape into your interpersonal boundary holes. The key lies in knowing what your particular boundary holes are and finding ways to patch them up.

Sincerely,

Katherine and Kathi 

Bestselling Authors of Working With You Is Killing Me

What To Do If You Cry At Work

If you find yourself crying at the office, we recommend the following:

Don't let this happen to you at work!

1. Calmly excuse yourself. Say something like, 'Excuse me. I'll be back in a moment." Then, find a safe place -- probably the rest room or a private office, and wipe away your tears. Take a few deep breaths, and try to compose yourself. It may help to splash a little cold water on your face. What you are trying to do is calm your system down so you can return to the meeting.
2. Once you compose yourself, venture back to the crime scene. As you sit down again, say, "Thank you for giving me a moment." Then continue with the conversation.
3. If you sit down and notice that you keep welling up with emotion, you may need to remove yourself for a longer period of time. In that case, say "I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time hearing this right now. Can we resume this conversation at another time?"
4. Afterwards, do something physical to unhook – go for a walk or go out for lunch so you can clear your head and think about what you’d like to say when you resume the conversation.
5. Try not to make a judgment call about crying. Because tears are considered a sign of weakness in our culture, they are still generally unacceptable in the workplace. This does not mean that you are wrong to cry. It just means that you have to manage this kind of emotional reaction at work.

Sincerely,

Katherine and Kathi 

Bestselling Authors of Working With You Is Killing Me

Exploring Your Relationship to Time

In business, TIME is one of the few truly equal opportunity employers. We all receive the same amount of it and each of us is personally responsible for how we use the time we are given.

What is your relationship to time? Is time your friend or adversary? Does time pass slowly or quickly for you? Do you know where your time goes or does it elude you? The following are several common approaches to time. See if you identify with any of them:

1. Time is a Tireless Taskmaster - Your attitude towards time is very serious. You expect yourself to always use time constructively or productively. You spend your time constantly working, never relaxing. Time makes you feel burdened, tense, or heavy.

2. Your Time is More Important Than Mine - Your attitude towards time is unfocused and undeserving. You spend more time than you want servicing other people's needs. You have difficulty saying "no" to requests/demands of otehrs. Times makes you feel tired, drained or resentful.

3. Time Should Give Me Special Treatment - Your attitude towards time is demanding and willful. You consistently underestimate how long it takes to accomplish things. You pack in "extra" activities which make you late for appointments/events. You expect time to speed up or slow down for you. Time makes you feel agitated, rushed and frustrated.

4. Time is on My Side - Your attitude towards time is respectful and grounded. You make and consistently pursue long range plans. You arrive early for appointments. You make promises according to a realistic assessment of time involved. Time leaves you feeling calm, centered and steady.

To value your time

...track it. Find out how you actually use your time every day. Once you know how your time is spent, you can decide what changes/adjustments you want to make.

To maximize your time

...observe your internal clock. Schedule projects and events that require strong powers of concentration during your peak hours. Perform more menial tasks during low energy periods.

To enjoy your time...

...build mistakes and delays into your day. Allow yourself a few extra minutes between appointments. Give yourself time to savor the people and places around you, instead of constantly racing to beat the clock.

Sincerely,

Katherine and Kathi 

Bestselling Authors of Working With You Is Killing Me

How to deal with the annoying co-workers!

Got Annoying Co-Workers? Here's what you do: There may be someone at work who hovers around you, talking incessantly. Or perhaps you're dealing with a chronic "borrower" who takes things from your desk without asking. Sometimes the rude behavior of a certain colleague can send you over the edge. We call the people and events that infringe on your personal territory at work "Boundary Busters." The co-worker whose voice is so loud that you can't concentrate is a Boundary Buster. A customer who obtains your home phone and calls you on the weekend is a Boundary Buster, as is the boss who intercepts, opens and reads your mail. Because their actions invade your personal space, Boundary Busters can be a source of great emotional and mental distress. The best way to identify a Boundary Buster is to notice your emotional response to their behavior. Recurring sensations of anger, frustration, irritation or annoyance usually indicate that you are in a situation where someone or something is crossing one of your boundaries. More often than not, these space invaders are oblivious to the adverse effects of their behavior. For this reason, your best bet for managing these workplace irritants, is to figure out a constructive way to communicate your boundary. Here are the steps: 1. Identify exactly who or what is encroaching on your terrain 2. Assess the options available to you 3. Communicate what you want in clear, concrete terms, and 4. Follow-up with a business tool. Here's an example of how it works: You have an extremely chatty co-worker who approaches you at all hours of the workday. You see this person walking toward you, and your back tightens. 'Oh God,' you think, 'Here we go again.' You identify that listening to this person talk endlessly has become a source of stress for you. You take a few deep breaths, just to release the tension you hold from fielding this person's verbal neediness. You assess your options: 'i could keep pretending to listen and allow Dan or Danielle to drain my energy or i could cut the conversation short by setting a boundary.' You communicate your boundary. Instead of being accusatory ("Would you just SHUT UP!?), you take a high road appraoch: "I'd like to hear your story, but I'm facing a deadline. Let's talk later." You follow-up with a business tool. In this case, you send an email thanking John or Mary for respecting your request, and repeating that you'll catch up later. Sounds easy, right? Then why do so few people do this? Because setting boundaries requires interpersonal communication skills that most people are not taught. Sincerely, Katherine and Kathi  Bestselling Authors of Working With You Is Killing Me

Ask K2 Tip- How to deal with hostile emails at work

Hostile Emails at Work

It's a common maddening occurrence: You innocently open an email from a colleague, customer or boss only to suddenly feel ambushed by its contents. The sender blames you for a problem you didn't create, unfairly accuses you of sabotaging a project, or negatively interprets something you said. Even worse, he or she cc's the email to your superiors.

As you stare at the offensive message, your vision blurs. You feel blood rushing to your face. Your heart beats faster. Your stomach drops. Your strongest impulse is to render justice by striking back.

Though it's hard to remember, you do have a choice in that moment. You can either react out of anger, and fire back a harsh retort, or you can close the infuriating email, and calm down.

Which do you do? Our survey reveals that the usual response is to get ticked off, and retaliate. You then get into a battle with that person that can last for weeks at a time.

Opportunities to take offense in the world of email are high. Email is a form of communication without buffers, interpreters or pauses. The cc mechanism lends itself to either "tattling" on your co-workers or being told on to your supervisors.

But if your goal is to resolve workplace conflicts without hurting your reputation, reacting in anger doesn't work. Why? Because you're likely to send your first (and worst) thoughts to the recipient. Angry email responses injure the relationship, and damage your credibility.

The first thing to do when an email makes your blood boil is to calm yourself down. Draft files were created to hold (and filter) our angry e-bursts. Why is it that so few people are able to answer hostile emails in a cool and professional way? Because the temptation to immediately "fire back" an email when you think you've been attacked is very strong. 

The next time someone sends an e-missle your way, take whatever steps you can to cool down before responding. We recommend: closing the email, getting up from your desk, stretching, taking a few deep breaths, splashing water on your face, or walking around your office floor to collect your thoughts. If you can cool off, you'll have a much better chance of responding in a calmer, more professional, more effective way.

For more tips and updates, follow us at @Askk2 

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Thank You!

Thank You to everyone who attended our past teleconferences! Quite refreshing to hear your take on our various discussion topics- 'Improving Interactions with Your Boss', 'Breaking Free from Limiting Roles at Work', 'Coping Skills for Stressful Times at Work'.

If you'd like to stay updated on AskK2, or simply keep in touch, e-mail us at info@ksquaredenterprises.com :)

THANK YOU!-Kathi and Katherine

Ask K2 Video Conference

Greetings!

Ever wish you could improve your interactions with your boss or client? Join us for a free teleconference this Thursday, April 12, 2012 Topic: Managing Up -- 5 Pivotal Practices for Taking Charge with Any Boss Time: 12 noon EST 40 minutes -- 20 minutes presentation, 20 minutes Q & A To register, send an email to info@ksquaredenterprises.com. Watch this video for a sample of Managing Up.

Ask K2 Teleconference

Do you ever wish that your boss or client was a better manager? Do you get frustrated by their lack of direction and disorganized style?

Join us for a free teleconference on Thursday, April 12, 2012

Topic: Managing Up -- 5 Pivotal Practices for Taking Charge with Any Boss

Time: 12 noon EST

40 minutes -- 20 minutes presentation, 20 minutes Q & A

Send an email to info@ksquaredenterprises.com to register.

Watch this video to see a sample of Managing Up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1BDNI6uPAY&feature=plcp&context=C46a543bVDvjVQa1PpcFMsx3xuMrzWWPV7jhUXIxrZdIviHrujKqM=

AskK2 Teleconference

Don't forget to join us for a free teleconference on Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 12 noon EST.

Find out if you're the office hero, martyr, entertainer, peacemaker, invisible one, or rebel. We'll show you how to identify the role you may be playing, and how to break free if it's holding you back.

Topic: Breaking Free from Limiting Roles at Work

Time: 12 noon EST

Duration: 40 minutes -- 20 minutes presentation, 20 minutes Q & A

Send an email to info@ksquaredenterprises.com to register.

Why Leaders Must be Experts: Keys to Success from GE - Forbes

Interesting article about new paradigm for business leaders. Claims 
that general managers are a thing of the past, so building industry 
knowledge is key. What do you think?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/joshbersin/2012/03/09/why-leaders-must-be-experts-keys-to-success-from-ge/?partner=yahootix